


striped carnations

by paperthinn



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Implied Sexual Content, Internalized Homophobia, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-03
Updated: 2019-07-03
Packaged: 2020-06-03 13:43:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19465195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paperthinn/pseuds/paperthinn
Summary: striped carnations symbolize refusal or rejection for some context about the title.a little fic about internalized homophobia :/





	striped carnations

**Author's Note:**

> striped carnations symbolize refusal or rejection for some context about the title.
> 
> a little fic about internalized homophobia :/

Tyler’s filthy.

Tyler was filthy when he consented, filthy as Josh pounded into him, and he’s still filthy even as he scrubs at his skin, trying to get rid of the dirt and grime that isn’t even there. He took a shower this morning. The tears are heavy on his face, reminding him that he can never be _clean,_ the salt and germs and everything else that lies in those small droplets constantly getting Tyler’s skin dirty. 

Tyler’s filthy because he enjoyed it, enjoyed having Josh so close, Tyler’s filthy because he doesn’t enjoy a woman’s touch anymore. Tyler’s filthy because when he thinks back to his past girlfriends, he realizes he never loved them in the first place. He’s never liked women, never liked the thought of dating one. Tyler’s filthy because when he was 15, he would look at all the boys in the locker room rather than catch up with them to sneak looks at the girls in their too-short shorts and see-through shirts.

Tyler’s mother told him it was okay, that she’ll accept him no matter what. Tyler’s father told him it was okay, and to be careful around those who thought the opposite. Josh told him it was okay, told him he’ll be by Tyler’s side for whatever he needs. Tyler doesn’t think it’s okay.

Tyler steps out of the shower, skin burning with the heat in the bathroom. He wraps a towel around him, looking in the mirror at his eyes, fingers brushing at the bruises on his throat, closing his eyes when Josh’s touch burns his skin, even though they’re not Josh’s fingers. He loves Josh. He doesn’t want to.

Tyler’s filthy, he’ll never be clean.


End file.
